Birth Parents Blog

Tackling the Holidays as a Birth Mom: Grappling Through Grief and Loss

Posted by Guest Contributor on December 18, 2018

Adrian C. Collins is both a birth mom and an adoptive mom, and she writes and speaks about the complexities of adoption. In today's guest post, Adrian shares real-life tips on getting through grief during the holidays, as a birth mom.

Our family is a huge fan of the CBS television show, The Amazing Race, where teams embark on a trek around the world to compete for a one million dollar prize. At every destination, each team must compete in a series of challenges, and only when the tasks are completed will they learn of their next destination.

In one challenge, partners were asked to play a round of volleyball against professional players in Estonia and only had to score five points to complete the challenge before finishing that leg of the race. Some assumed the challenge to be a breeze. What teams didn’t realize, was that they were playing volleyball in mud. The mud was so deep it rose to players’ waistline and so thick it caused participants to become stuck. As the opponents balls whizzed past, contestants could only stand in one place. They became entrenched by circumstances. 

As a birth mom, I’ve often felt wedged by grief and loss during the holiday season. A million little things are whizzing by—and I’m grasping for joy, peace and love—but instead I feel anchored by loss. Unable to move. Unable to catch my breath. Unable to celebrate.

Read More

Topics: Holidays, life after adoption, post-adoption, postadoption depression, why do women choose adoption?, contact with my baby, adoption and loss, adoption grief