Birth Parents Blog

What to Ask When You Talk to Adoptive Parents

Posted by Lifetime Adoption on June 7, 2019

questions-ask-af"I think I've just found the perfect family to adopt my baby! My baby’s father likes them too.

My Adoption Coordinator has given me their phone number and set up a time for me to call them and talk. Do you have any tips on what to say? What should I ask them about?"

It's common to feel a little nervous about talking with adoptive parents for the first time. If you're feeling way uncomfortable about this phone call, make sure to speak up to your coordinator at Lifetime. She can join in on the call in a phone conference and help you out in your convo, so it doesn't feel awkward. This can help break the ice, and it also makes sure that your questions are answered without putting you on the spot.

The adoptive parent’s profile can tell you lots of things about them, like where they live, what their interests are, what their jobs are, info about their extended family, and much more. But what you can’t get from a profile is the feeling behind what they’ve written. By being able to ask them questions directly, you’re able to get the full picture of the adoptive couple as potential parents to your baby.

When you talk to an adoptive couple, not many questions are off limits. You're putting a lot of trust in them to parent and love your baby unconditionally, after all! So now's not the time to be shy or to worry about offending anyone.

Here are 20 possible questions you might ask the adoptive parents:

  1. what to ask my baby's adoptive parentsWill you agree to an open adoption or semi-open adoption? How much contact are you open to?

  2. Is your family supportive that you’re adopting?

  3. How do you plan on talking with my child about his/her adoption?

  4. What are your parenting beliefs? How will you discipline?

  5. What faith are you, and how do you practice your faith? Do you attend church regularly?

  6. What made you decide to adopt?

  7. How long do you plan to stay at home with the baby?

  8. What kind of childcare plans do you have once you go back to work?

  9. How many hours do you typically work in a week? If you're both working, who will be the caregiver?

  10. What are your feelings about public school, private school, or home school?

  11. How will you refer to me, the birth mother, when you talk to my child about me? 

  12. What would your ideal relationship with a birth family be like?

  13. What are some activities you look forward to doing with your kids?

  14. How often do you think you'll travel as a family?

  15. What's your community or town like? What kind of people live there?

  16. Do you have friends living near you? Do they have small children?

  17. Do you plan to have any more children?

  18. What do you think your parenting style will be like (if the adoptive couple already has children, what's your parenting style like with them)?

  19. Do you know anyone who's currently in an open adoption?

  20. How will you approach adoption-related issues when they come up? How about with friends, family members, and acquaintances?

If at any time you feel uncomfortable with the conversation or feel the adoptive couple isn't treating you with respect, let them know. If confrontations aren't your thing, you can also just tell your Adoption Coordinator later too. You don't have to speak with them further if you don't want to.

Do you have questions about what open adoption will be like? Let a woman who's chosen adoption for her baby tell you, in her own words!

Click to hear other women's adoption stories

What should I ask adoptive parents? #unplannedpregnancy #adoption #choosingadoption #thinkingaboutadoption
What should I ask adoptive parents? #unplannedpregnancy #adoption #choosingadoption #thinkingaboutadoption
What should I ask adoptive parents? #unplannedpregnancy #adoption #choosingadoption #thinkingaboutadoption


This article was originally published on September 13, 2016, and has since been updated. 

Topics: Open Adoption, Adoption for my child, adoption for my baby, family to adopt my baby, how to choose a family for my baby, questions to ask adoptive family