Birth Parents Blog

How To Decide If He’s Right for You

Posted by Lifetime Adoption on April 26, 2013

OK, so you’re ready to date again! You just met the greatest guy! He’s handsome, popular and drives a hot car! What more could a girl ask for, right? Wrong! Attraction and love are not the same thing. Life is too short to waste your time in relationships that have no future!

A marriage is not built on sexual attraction alone. A committed relationship cannot be based on a nice car. Good looks disappear eventually. BMWs get old and out of date. So what should you be looking for, you ask?

These ten important questions can help you decide if your new man is relationship material or should be shown the curb:

  1. Is he truthful? If you have ever caught your man in even a small lie, get out as fast as you can! If he is willing to lie about small things, he will lie about big things. You will never be able to fully trust a man like that!
  2. Do you share common religious and political views? Studies show couples that are on common ground in these areas share a deeper and more intense emotional bond. When children come into the picture, you will want to be in agreement with your spouse on what values to instill in them.
  3. Do you get along with his parents and vice versa? Marriages have been stressed to the breaking point from in-law issues. If you are both close with your families, then make sure they approve of the match. It will cause a lifetime of heartache if his parents hate you! You don’t want to have to feel torn between your husband and your parents. It is a lose – lose situation!
  4. Do you have fun together? If you find that every date is spent sitting on the sofa, making out, drop him fast! You want a partner that enjoys the activities that you do. Do you like to hike, cook or go bowling together? Does he like to play board games with you or do you enjoy traveling together? A marriage can last over fifty years! Don’t you want to have fun?
  5. Does he drift from job to job? A man that enjoys his career and has been committed to it for a number of years says loads about his character. You do not want a man that counts on you for financial support! If he has a college degree, all the better! This shows that he is smart and follows through with his goals. Remember, a workaholic can be just as much of a problem. Find out if he is able to maintain balance between work and private time. If he carries his cell phone everywhere (on dates, in the car, in bed), be careful. He might be married to his work!
  6. How does he treat others? If you find that your man is rude or belittling to his friends, watch out! It is only a matter of time before that behavior is directed towards you. At a restaurant, is he rude to the wait staff? Does he treat sales people and secretaries without respect? A man like that is trouble in the making. He only cares about himself and he will never respect you! Beware! Men like this can be on their best behavior when they are trying to win you over. Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, the mask will eventually slip.
  7. Can you disagree or argue with each other, without it turning ugly? Positive and productive communication is key to a successful relationship. There will come a day, when you have an argument. Does he interrupt you or does he let you speak. Does he roll his eyes or look at you with love and respect? Does he yell? Does he slam doors? Does he hit the wall? Walk out and don’t look back! A good man will keep his cool. He will listen to you and respect your opinion (even if he doesn't agree with it). He will not walk away or get violent. A good man will always treat you like a lady, even during an argument!
  8. Can you handle his deep dark secret? Some men play golf every weekend. Some men are messy and leave their things all over the house. Some men snore loud enough to wake the dead. Some men drink and drive. Some men carry an STD. You need to find out what his greatest weakness is and ask yourself if you can live with it. No one is perfect. I am sure that if you searched hard enough, you would see many problems in yourself. The question is, can you accept and live with his issues? Don’t marry a man expecting to change him. It will never happen!
  9. Does he turn you on? Now let me start by saying, you don’t need to sleep with a man to know if you are sexually compatible. You might want to wait until marriage or take the physical stuff really slow. A hug or a kiss may be all you need to know if there are sparks! Physical intimacy is an integral component to a healthy relationship. This is a mystery. Either it is there or it isn't. The sooner you find out the better!
  10. Does his future plans match with yours? If you want four kids and he only wants one, that is a problem! If you want to live in California and he is determined to settle in Alaska, that is a problem! If he wants to spend every cent he makes and you want to save for the future, that is a real issue! Now is the time to see if you see a similar picture of the future! If your dreams differ, can you each compromise to meet on common ground? Does he expect you to do all the compromising?

Before things get too serious, ask the hard questions! Find out who he really is! You deserve a great relationship and a wonderful life! The right man can make your dreams come true . The wrong man can be your biggest nightmare! Now is the time to get the most out of your life. There is a smart, kind, honest, funny guy just waiting to bring happiness. Be ready to recognize him when you meet him!

Topics: Relationships