Birth Parents Blog

"Can I See and Hold My Baby After Delivery?"

Posted by Lifetime Adoption on July 28, 2017

Can I see and hold my baby after delivery if I'm doing adoption?

Question: “I'm 17 and 7 months pregnant. I don’t have a decent job or support from my parents or the father of the baby. So, I'm doing adoption. I found a couple who are so nice and will adopt my baby. They’ll be able to really spoil her, and give her everything she needs and wants.

But, I'm having second thoughts. When I lie awake at night thinking, and she's kicking me...I just start crying, thinking about giving her to someone else is really hard. Someone else holding her, going to another mom when she cries, someone else calling her their baby, not mine.

Will I be able to hold her at the hospital, or will they just take her away? I know I have to give her up in adoption, for a better life. Am I just being totally selfish with my thoughts and feelings? What’s the best way to get a grip and move past something this big, without literally going nuts?"

This can such be such a difficult time, especially if you don’t have support at home. Your feelings are real, and your emotions can’t be ignored, or they’ll come up later in life. You want to work through this and find support from those who can help you. Lifetime can connect you with a woman who’s chosen to make an adoption plan for her baby (also called a “birth mother.”) She has been where you are right now, so she totally knows what you’re going through. You can talk on the phone with her, text, or email back and forth.

It is normal to think about the “what if’s” and this makes it harder. Most women with an unplanned pregnancy just aren’t ready to be a mom, yet. So, don’t be so hard on yourself. Adoption is a big decision, and not everyone can go through with an adoption plan. It has to be your decision. It sounds like you’ve done lots of thinking and are still struggling with the idea of someone else being her mom instead of you. 

What are your plans for the future? If you have a goal for your future, you’ll have some hope and direction to look forward to. Your pain and sadness won’t go away, but it does help by filling your time while you’re healing.  If you don’t have a plan for after your baby is born, start thinking about what you'd like to do with your life. Maybe it’s college…there are birth mother scholarships available. You can go to LifetimeFoundation.org for more info.

Lifetime also recommends that you speak with a counselor to sort out the feelings you’re having. You can speak to a licensed counselor at no cost; just call Lifetime at 1-800-923-6784 to get connected. It’s also a good idea to talk more with the adoptive parents you chose, to get to know them better.

Whatever decision you end up making, it has to be your choice and the best choice for you and your daughter. Take time to get the help and support you need now before you give birth. Think about your future, and the future you desire for your child.

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Topics: Open Adoption, Give up my baby, hospital preferences, give my baby up for adoption, adoption experience in the hospital, modern adoption