Question: “I’m 39 and just found out I’m pregnant. I thought I was done raising babies. My other two are almost in college. I’m not sure what to think, or what to do. Am I wrong to consider adoption? I’m not a young mom; I mean I have a good job and a home. Would adoptive parents even want to adopt a baby from an older woman? I never imagined I’d be in this situation. I’m completely shocked."
Answer: There are many reasons why women choose adoption, even when they have a stable lifestyle situation or have raised other kids. The reality is, there's no stereotypical age of women who choose adoption for their baby. To help you get perspective, here are a few stories from women who chose adoption at an older age:
"I was in my 40s, I thought I couldn’t even get pregnant anymore. But then there it was, the positive test. My husband and I were so unsure what to do because we’d already raised our three children and were planning for our time now.
It took a while for us to admit to each other how overwhelming it made things to imagine starting over. We knew a friend who had just adopted a baby and so we started to learn about open adoption. We ultimately chose an adoptive couple who reminded us of ourselves when we were first starting out as parents.
It was the hardest thing we ever went through together, but we are glad we chose open adoption. Through adoption we could keep in touch with her and the adoptive parents still invite us to her birthday each year."
"I was 36 and had finally gotten full custody of my two girls, 8 and 10 years old. I knew adding another child would put us at risk; I couldn’t raise three kids on my income and I knew this baby’s father wouldn’t help like my ex-husband helps with our girls. I wanted more for all of my babies.
At first, I felt guilty for considering adoption because I thought that was only for teens or people in really desperate situations. Then I realized adoption today isn’t the same as the way it was many years ago. I learned about how I get the say in every step and how the adoptive parents today actually want to know the child’s biological family. After talking with someone about my questions I felt less like I was giving up and more like I was taking control of my unexpected situation.
I chose the best adoptive family! We all agree we feel like we’ve known each other so much longer than the last couple years. It’s like I added extended family to my life through my son’s adoption. His adoptive parents even send my girls gifts for their birthdays and Christmas, and let us send my son notes and treasures whenever we can."