Before you start on the path to infant adoption, it’s important that both you and your spouse are onboard and enthusiastic. We encourage you to confront and resolve any issues or concerns you may have surrounding adoption. But what if your spouse is uncertain of whether you should adopt?
An adoptive mother, Cindy, who adopted a baby girl through Lifetime last year shares, “It was difficult at first for me to convince my husband to start a family. When we couldn’t get pregnant, he said the subject of being parents was closed. John wasn’t into becoming an adoptive father and raising a child that he said was 'someone else’s kid.' Now that we’ve adopted, John and I can laugh over our intense discussions about this, and share our experience with couples thinking about adopting.”
Many times, one spouse is reluctant about adoption because of the unknowns surrounding it. What will your child be like and how will they mesh with your family? How much does adoption cost? What will the birth mother be like?
Think about how different a pregnancy is from the adoption process as far as your relationship is concerned. A pregnancy allows an uncertain spouse nine months to transition into the idea of becoming a parent. And, friends and relatives are very excited for you, asking if you know your baby’s gender and if you’ve chosen a name. With adoption, couples need to make lots of decisions before they bring their baby home, such as gender, age, and ethnicity. All of the choices surrounding domestic adoption push the subject of “baby” onto an uncertain spouse. It requires that he try to imagine the child’s entire upbringing.
Being forced to think about his child’s upbringing comes with a great benefit. It gives an uncertain spouse wonderful preparation for parenting, something that having a baby biologically doesn’t provide.
Cindy shares, “John had insisted he was too busy (and too old) to be a good dad. But once we brought our daughter home, he’s flourished as a father. He hates it when his job takes him away from being able to tuck her in at night. It’s been such a blessing to see my loving husband evolve into a loving daddy!”
Know that it's completely normal for one spouse to arrive at the decision to adopt before the other does, after failed fertility treatments. To gain perspective, consider listening in on one of Lifetime’s webinars. We've held webinars in which the adoptive father shares his side of the story, and what his attitude towards adopting a baby was in the beginning. You can watch our adoption webinars for free at AdoptionWebinar.com.