Adoptive Families Blog

What If Our Birth Mom Wants a Closed Adoption?

Posted by Lifetime Adoption on August 30, 2017

is closed adoption possible?Nowadays, open adoption is becoming the norm, and most birth mothers desire some amount of contact after placement. But what happens if your birth mom wants to have a closed adoption? Is that possible with modern adoption?

Yes, a woman can choose closed adoption for her baby or child. However, after learning more about modern adoption, most women want to at least know the names of her baby’s adoptive parents and to talk with them before the adoption happens. So, Lifetime's coordinators make sure to have a conversation with her to learn how she wants her child's adoption to go.

In today's open adoptions, the birth mother participates as much as she wants to in the adoption process. If she wants, she can pick her baby’s adoptive family and get acquainted with them, hold her baby at the hospital, and remain in contact after the adoption placement.

The birth mother has a say in every step of her adoption plan, whether she wants an adoption with no contact or to have on-going communication after the adoption.

Let's take a look at what typically happens when a woman asks about closed adoption:

Hayley:  I want my baby to grow up being loved and with parents that accept her like she's their own. I worry that if I stay in touch, it'd be confusing for her, or that it'd be too hard for me. Can I do a closed adoption?

Lifetime: Yes, we can help you as you make a closed adoption plan. Those are heartfelt, genuine reasons for adoption and it’s obvious you love your baby. Nowadays, adoptive parents embrace their child's adoption story, so your daughter will grow up knowing you loved her. Your baby can know of you and still know her mom and dad are the parents you selected for her. Sometimes, women don’t know how they'll feel until they find just the right adoptive couple. It’s completely OK if you're not sure about contact after the adoption at this point. Can I ask you a few questions to find out more about what you'd like for this adoption?

Hayley: Sure.

Lifetime: Would you like to pick the adoptive parents for your baby? Or, maybe just know their names and what they're like?

Hayley: Yeah, I’d like to choose the parents. Can I talk with them and tell them why I’m choosing adoption? I want my baby to know I love her but I couldn’t do this on my own.

Lifetime: Yes! The adoptive family would LOVE to chat with you and learn as much as you’d like to share with them. You could also meet them if you want.

Hayley: I’m not sure about that. But it'd be good to see them in person at the hospital after she’s born. I think I'd also like it if they knew how to get ahold of me if they needed to, of if my daughter has questions when she’s older.

Lifetime: That's something that's definitely possible. Open adoption looks different for every woman; it’s more about what you want for your daughter, and how you want the adoption to go. 

It’s totally up to you what feels right and best for you and your daughter. It’s OK if later on, you decide if you’d like to get photos or to talk with them. The adoptive parents are ready for an open adoption, at your comfort level; it’s really up to you.

Hayley: OK! That’s great that I can decide later on if I want to know how she’s doing. So what do I do now?

Lifetime: Let’s talk about your pregnancy and what you want in the adoptive parents. Then we can send you a custom packet to get started…

If we have help you or someone you care for, please share this link to Lifetime's free online application:

New Call-to-action

Topics: Open Adoption, closed adoption, relationship with birth mother