You’ve got a birth mother who wants to speak with you. This is a really exciting time! So how do you prepare for this important phone call? Today, Lifetime Adoption shares tips on how you can enhance this first call with a birth mother.
Both of you should be available to talk to her, but it is usually best to start with the adoptive mother talking. Try not to interrogate her with lots of questions. Lifetime Adoption will provide you with all of the information that we have on her situation, so you don’t have to ask awkward questions. Allow her to set the tone of the conversation but feel free to share information about you too. During your first conversation with a birth mother, your goal should be to connect genuinely.
Lifetime knows that to have a successful open adoption relationship, the adoptive parents and birth parents must first form a strong connection. You will probably differ a lot in your experiences and backgrounds, but then something just seems right when you talk. So how exactly can you develop a strong connection with the birth mother?
It’s crucial to be authentic, and avoid asking lots of questions or turning this into a negotiation. Meet genuinely as two parties that are interested in what’s best for the child. Think of this first call as more of like a date than a job interview. Your objective is to find out whether you have a connection. Let your conversation move without a structure. In the first conversation, it’s less significant what you talk about. What’s important is that you talk and then listen to her. Know that like you, her fear is that you won’t like her.
You might ask her how her pregnancy is going, whether she likes her doctor, or if she craves any certain foods. Remain positive and comfortable about adoption. Ask if she has questions for you, and answer honestly and openly.
Birth mothers are women facing a crisis situation, and trying her best to do right by her child. So that’s why it’s important to focus on her questions and concerns. Pay attention to what she needs, and consider how you can help. Look at it from her point of view. If you could choose adoptive parents, wouldn’t you want them to be caring and attentive?