Adoptive Families Blog

When You Say Yes to Open Adoption: Adoptive Dad Shares

Posted by Lifetime Adoption on July 8, 2014

More and more adopting parents and birth mothers are realizing the benefits of staying connected through a child’s open adoption. The value of open adoption continues to grow as on-going relationships are made easier through email, texting, and social media. Open adoption offers an opportunity to build unique friendships, varying in degree, with the potential to become more like that of extended family or close loved ones.

When people are unsure if open adoption is a concept they could embrace for a child, they are encouraged to seek more education and to talk with other adoptive parents or birth families who have open adoptions. Most fears and concerns about open adoption are resolved as the evidence from real-life families living with open adoption offers truth about modern-day adoption possibilities. It’s inspiring to see the updates from adoptive parents and birth mothers who stay in touch through a child’s life.

Recently we heard from an adoptive family who celebrated a family reunion, ALONG WITH their children’s birth mothers. Jake and Tanya have candidly shared their family’s experience through open adoption on a few of Lifetime’s Adoption Webinars, and sent along this update to encourage those adoptive parents and birth mothers curious about open adoption:

Adoptive dad, Jake, writes: “We had the opportunity to get together with both of our children’s birthmoms this weekend! It was a fantastic time and they were open with each other discussing how they were feeling throughout their own process [as a birth mother]. It was a great opportunity for them to share and support each other. It was a great trip and I can’t wait to have them out again.”

When asked “How did you come to embrace the possibilities of open adoption?” adoptive dad, Jake explained:

“When we entered this process, we came in with the mindset that no matter what, we would do what is best for the children, and that would be our priority. We made it clear to both birthmoms that this was our goal. We always wanted to include them, if they wanted it, because we felt/feel that is the best case for the kiddos. We kept our distance from them until they [were comfortable] and Facebook was a great resource for that. It allowed our children’s birthmoms to have photos or contact whenever they were ready, but they also felt included in our lives. I don't know how often they looked at them early on, but I know they look all the time now.”

Jake continues: “Also, we knew that we were being trusted with a baby that was loved so much that we were chosen to parent. We knew that it would be important to show our faith and trust in [our son’s and daughter’s] ‘belly mamas.’ We knew it was critical for her to know we trusted her...Adoption should be based on mutual trust, and hopefully, that can help build the foundation for family. Tanya absolutely treats [these birth mothers] like…sisters...The more we really get to know our children’s birth mothers, the more we really want [a continued open adoption] for them as well.”

Open adoption offers many benefits to all involved, when embraced through developing trust and thoughtful communication about the needs and goals moving forward. Like any relationship a connection through open adoption will change over time, so be reasonable about your expectations from the beginning. If you’d like to learn more about what open adoption can look like check out the adoption stories on AdoptionTeleconference.com, follow the conversations on Facebook, or contact us to begin the process of researching your possibilities through open adoption.

Topics: Open Adoption