Adoptive Families Blog

Fear of the Unknown

Posted by Lifetime Adoption on December 17, 2013

In adoption, as with life, there are no guarantees. God instructs us to “not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” (Matthew 6:34). He promises that if we “seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, all these things will be given to you.” (Matthew 6:33).

Prepare yourself to accept unknown factors in your adoption, for there will likely be some questions for which you will never receive answers. For instance, your child’s birth father may be completely unknown, the pregnancy a result of rape or a one-night-stand. You may receive nothing more than the very basic information about a child in an orphanage; even the child’s birth date may be unknown. You need to prepare yourself to accept what you can live with and let go of the need to control and understand every detail.

If you find yourself challenged at this step, it may be good to revisit the original motivation for adoption. Do you really want to be a parent, or are you looking for a perfect situation?

Many years ago, I worked with a couple, Maggie and Ron, who were chosen six different times by different birth mothers. Each time, they found a different reason to decline the match. One time it was due to the lack of birth father medical records (something that rarely is provided), another time they stated they were uncomfortable because the birth mother was concealing her pregnancy from her mother, and the last time it was just “a feeling.” It was clear that no matter what the situation, they just were not prepared to say yes. In the end, while I was saddened that they chose to remain childless rather than take a risk with adopting a child, perhaps it was a blessing that a child was not placed in a home where perfection seemed to be a prerequisite.

The lesson here is that we must be prepared. Taking the time to learn how adoption works and what to expect might have prepared this couple to say yes, or it may have dissuaded them from ever beginning the process in the first place. Either way, preparation is always key, even if only to prepare for a leap of faith.

This information was excerpted from Lifetime Founder Mardie Caldwell’s most recent book, Called to Adoption. To learn more about how you can answer God’s call to you to adopt a baby or child, please give Lifetime Adoption a call: (530) 432-7373 or visit www.LifetimeAdoption.com.

Topics: Adoption Book, Adoption journey, Adopting a Baby