Adoptive Families Blog

6 Potential Pitfalls That Can Derail Your Adoption Plan

Posted by Lifetime Adoption on May 3, 2013

From start to finish, the adoption journey can be fraught with ups and downs. There is a massive amount of information out there on what to do and what not to do! After almost thirty years of facilitating adoptions, I have seen firsthand what is effective and what isn't I see good people make the same mistakes over and over again! When it comes to adoption, here are 6 primary pitfalls to avoid as you move forward:

  1. An incomplete home study; be diligent in completing all the necessary paperwork, fingerprints and interviews. It takes some planning and hard work, but it can be done! If you have adopted before and need to update your home study, it is a simple but vital step to completing a successful second adoption.
  2. You have very narrow adoption preferences; I understand your desire to adopt a baby that shares a common ancestry and look as your family. In realty, there are many more white families waiting to adopt than white birth mothers, looking for families. Love is not defined by skin color and if you live in a tolerant and diverse community, it can be a very positive experience for everyone involved. Over the years, we have been blessed to see God work in the lives and hearts of families just like you. We get letters and pictures of proud parents that no longer see the differences, but simply celebrate their children.
  3. There is no one home--- ever! We understand that you have a busy life! Ask yourself; is it too busy to commit to raising a baby? If you never answer or return phone calls, your birth mother will wonder if you are too over whelmed to be a good parent. If you are gone for portions of the day, let us know! When Lifetime Adoption, social workers, birth mothers or attorneys leave a message, call back as soon as possible! You never know what blessings are waiting…
  4. Future adoption visits! No way! OK, how do you really feel? We can arrange for you to talk with other adoptive parents who once felt as you do. They decided to open up their hearts to the possibility of future visits with a birth mother and now have beautiful babies in their arms. They are no longer conflicted or afraid of not being a “real parent”. Adoption is not babysitting! One visit a year is not parenting!
  5. Who needs God? I can do it on my own terms! I caution you to never forget who put the desire to parent in your heart. Jesus loves families. He loves children! He has the power to bless you or turn from you. In Matthew 7:7 we learn “Ask and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” Your heavenly Father wants to answer your prayers! Seek Him in all things and you will be blessed!
  6. You have two or more children; often, birth mothers will choose childless, infertile couples to adopt their baby. This doesn't happen in every case, but if you have children already, you might want to be open to more situations to better the chances of adoption. Will you consider siblings, all races, mild disabilities, and both genders? We want you to be successful in your desire to grow your family. Help us help you by being open to all possible adoption situations! Ask God what His will is for your life. Seek His favor and guidance. Lay this process at His feet. In this way, when a possible adoption is presented to you, you will know that the hand of God is at work!
Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P. is a nationally recognized authority on adoption. A Certified Open Adoption Practitioner, Caldwell is the founder of Lifetime Adoption Center, LLC., established in 1986. Caldwell has assisted in over 1,800 successful adoptions. She was one of the first adoption professionals on the Internet.
Caldwell’s life work has been dedicated to educating and helping birth parents and adoptive parents through teaching, speaking, and resources and as a radio talk show host.
Author of a number of award-winning books, Caldwell has more than 150 media credits to her name, including: Larry King Live, ABC News, NBC’s The Today Show, CNN Headline News, CNN’s The Campbell Brown Show, CBS News, NBC News, KGO Newstalk Radio, CNN’s Black in America II, MSNBC, Fox, PBS, BBC, Dr. Laura, and is widely sought for print articles and speaking engagements.

Topics: Open Adoption, Adopting a Baby