Adoptive Families Blog

Adoption Q&A: Gender Preferences in Adoption

Posted by Lifetime Adoption on January 12, 2017

adoption preferences to adopt a baby girlQuestion: "We've already bought a lot of things for a girl, but we’d be open to a boy or girl. Is it OK to hope we adopt a girl?"

Answer: Lifetime Adoption advises waiting adoptive couples not to indicate openness to either gender if you feel you’d turn down an opportunity to adopt a boy. It would devastate a birth mother to be turned down because her baby wasn't what you'd hoped for.

If you really would be glad and ready to love the baby girl OR boy you adopt, then don’t let the material items hold you back from what could become the amazing way your family grows. You could easily sell the baby clothes and gear that are definitely “girl” items and use that money to update your family with the “boy” things. Or you could trade items with a friend who has the gender specific gear or clothes that you’d need.

But, if deep down you know you only want to adopt a boy or girl specifically, then don’t be open to “either” because it will put you in a position of feeling as if you settled, or worse, a place where you’re actually turning away a child.

Really take a look at what you’d be open to regarding gender in your adoption preferences. Gender preferences don’t come with a priority order (i.e. no "first" and "second" choice). It’s discouraging and devastating for a birth mother if you turned down an opportunity to adopt her baby because of gender. Fully stand behind your adoption preferences, and make sure you’re only being open to what you know you’d say YES to.

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Topics: Infant adoption, Domestic Adoption, adoption Q&A, adoption preferences