Birth Parents Blog

Tackling the Holidays as a Birth Mom: Grappling Through Grief and Loss

Posted by Guest Contributor on December 18, 2018

Adrian C. Collins is both a birth mom and an adoptive mom, and she writes and speaks about the complexities of adoption. In today's guest post, Adrian shares real-life tips on getting through grief during the holidays, as a birth mom.

Our family is a huge fan of the CBS television show, The Amazing Race, where teams embark on a trek around the world to compete for a one million dollar prize. At every destination, each team must compete in a series of challenges, and only when the tasks are completed will they learn of their next destination.

In one challenge, partners were asked to play a round of volleyball against professional players in Estonia and only had to score five points to complete the challenge before finishing that leg of the race. Some assumed the challenge to be a breeze. What teams didn’t realize, was that they were playing volleyball in mud. The mud was so deep it rose to players’ waistline and so thick it caused participants to become stuck. As the opponents balls whizzed past, contestants could only stand in one place. They became entrenched by circumstances. 

As a birth mom, I’ve often felt wedged by grief during the holiday season. A million little things are whizzing by—and I’m grasping for joy, peace and love—but instead I feel anchored by loss. Unable to move. Unable to catch my breath. Unable to celebrate.

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Topics: Holidays, adoption and loss, adoption grief, contact with my baby, why do women choose adoption?, postadoption depression, post-adoption, life after adoption

"What if People Ask Me If I Have Kids?"

Posted by Lifetime Adoption on July 6, 2018

Many birth mothers have found it difficult to talk about their birth child with people they don’t know. Do you feel that the person asking if you have kids is someone you’d like to share your personal feelings with?

If you are OK with going into detail about your adoption plan, that's great. If not and you find it easier just to say “No,” it doesn't mean you’re denying you have a child. Don't feel guilty about answering "no."

If you haven't found a response you’re comfortable with, here are a few suggestions. One of these might work for you when you're asked: "Do you have any children?”

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Topics: Adoption story, adoption for my baby, contact with my baby, what is open adoption like?, post-adoption

Life After Adoption...

Posted by Lifetime Adoption on July 29, 2016

Many birth mothers have shared with us that after their adoption plan had gone through, their lives changed. Women who choose adoption can plan ahead for how they'll handle those changes and adjust to life after adoption. In this post, we share tips from real-life birth moms on what helped them.

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Topics: life after adoption, post-adoption, adoption counseling