Birth Parents Blog

Tackling the Holidays as a Birth Mom: Grappling Through Grief and Loss

Posted by Guest Contributor on December 18, 2018

Adrian C. Collins is both a birth mom and an adoptive mom, and she writes and speaks about the complexities of adoption. In today's guest post, Adrian shares real-life tips on getting through grief during the holidays, as a birth mom.

Our family is a huge fan of the CBS television show, The Amazing Race, where teams embark on a trek around the world to compete for a one million dollar prize. At every destination, each team must compete in a series of challenges, and only when the tasks are completed will they learn of their next destination.

In one challenge, partners were asked to play a round of volleyball against professional players in Estonia and only had to score five points to complete the challenge before finishing that leg of the race. Some assumed the challenge to be a breeze. What teams didn’t realize, was that they were playing volleyball in mud. The mud was so deep it rose to players’ waistline and so thick it caused participants to become stuck. As the opponents balls whizzed past, contestants could only stand in one place. They became entrenched by circumstances. 

As a birth mom, I’ve often felt wedged by grief during the holiday season. A million little things are whizzing by—and I’m grasping for joy, peace and love—but instead I feel anchored by loss. Unable to move. Unable to catch my breath. Unable to celebrate.

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Topics: Holidays, adoption and loss, adoption grief, contact with my baby, why do women choose adoption?, postadoption depression, post-adoption, life after adoption

How to Find a Family Who Will Honor Open Adoption

Posted by Lifetime Adoption on September 14, 2018

"I'm 30 weeks along, and I'm pretty sure that I'm going to adopt out my baby.  I know I want an open adoption, because I would like to get updates on my daughter as she grows up. But, how can I be sure the adoptive family will keep their promise to stay in contact?” 

Most women choosing adoption today want to stay in contact with their child, through emails, photos, social media posts, or visits. One of the ways to make sure that your baby's adoptive couple will keep their promise to stay in contact is to find a family that has adopted already. When the adoptive couple has an open adoption relationship with their child's birth mother, it's a good sign that they'd be open to future contact with you as well.

These adoptive couples keep an open adoption relationship with their child's birth family:

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Topics: find a family, how to choose an adoptive family, Open Adoption, contact with my baby, future contact, modern adoption

How Do I Know if Open Adoption is Best for Me?

Posted by Lifetime Adoption on July 27, 2018

Open adoption today gives you lots of choices, including the ability to hand-pick the adoptive parents for your baby. It also lets you choose how much you'd like to stay in touch with them after the adoption placement, and how many updates you'd like on your child.

If you're thinking about making an adoption plan, you might be wondering things about open adoption like:

"How do I decide how much future contact is best?" 
or
"What happens if I say I want contact, but then after the adoption happens I decide I don't?"
 

Keep reading to learn more about your choices of future contact in open adoption!

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Topics: what is open adoption like?, Open Adoption, future contact, contact with my baby

"What if People Ask Me If I Have Kids?"

Posted by Lifetime Adoption on July 6, 2018

Many birth mothers have found it difficult to talk about their birth child with people they don’t know. Do you feel that the person asking if you have kids is someone you’d like to share your personal feelings with?

If you are OK with going into detail about your adoption plan, that's great. If not and you find it easier just to say “No,” it doesn't mean you’re denying you have a child. Don't feel guilty about answering "no."

If you haven't found a response you’re comfortable with, here are a few suggestions. One of these might work for you when you're asked: "Do you have any children?”

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Topics: Adoption story, adoption for my baby, contact with my baby, what is open adoption like?, post-adoption

"How Much Contact Should I Have With My Baby After Delivery?"

Posted by Lifetime Adoption on April 24, 2018

Question: "I'm giving my baby up for adoption and I'm due any day now, so I'm trying to plan everything ahead of time.  It's making me really nervous. How much contact should I have with my baby after I deliver?"

Answer: The truth is, no one can tell you what’s right for you. Some birth moms want to hold their baby and look at him or her. Others feel that it'd be too hard, and choose not to have any contact at all. If you're giving your baby up for adoption, we'd like to share some tips with you today about how to decide!

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Topics: Open Adoption, contact with my baby, adoption experience in the hospital, hospital preferences, adopt out my baby, Labor preparation

This Birth Mom’s Viral Video for Her Son Will Touch Your Heart

Posted by Lifetime Adoption on January 15, 2018

Hannah was 18 when she discovered she was pregnant. And after the death of her boyfriend, she decided to make an adoption plan for their baby boy. Just a few hours before the adoption became official, Hannah recorded a video for her son, letting him know that she will always love him. 

In her emotional video, which is featured on People Magazine’s website and The Today Show’s site, she says "I thought I would make this video for you instead of writing a letter because it's real and it’s in the moment."

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Topics: letter to my birth child, birth child, contact with my baby, adoption experience in the hospital, hospital preferences, birth mother videos, adoption video,