Although the lifelong gifts you choose to give to your child through adoption may be many, one beautiful and cherished gift only you can provide is a love letter, sharing your feelings of love and hope. But how do you write this letter?
Birthparents around the world often say, "I don't want my child to hate me for choosing adoption.” Listening to these words and acting on them allows a birthmother to release their child into the arms of the adoptive parents with trust, faith, and love. A special letter written directly to her child can help any birth mother at this time of high emotions and often grief. She is demonstrating her true loving feelings for her child.
Start the letter by telling your child your hopes for their lives, which may be a key reason you chose adoption in the first place. If you made an adoption plan, share the care with which you took to ensure they had the type of family you wished to provide. And take this opportunity to explain that you did not choose adoption because you did not care for them, you chose adoption because you care so much that you want to provide more for them than you are able.
Other members of your family may also want to write a letter if they are struggling with your decision or difficult emotions. This is an opportunity for them to convey to your child that he or she is always loved from afar.
Be sure to make copies of the letters for your special memory books or boxes. It may help you through the years when you feel a twinge of heartache, to reread the loving words you released your child with.
You may wish to ask the adoptive parents to give your child this letter at a specific time or at a time they decide is best. Your special letter is your hope and love on paper expressed to your child and will be a treasure for your child and the adoptive parents for many years to come.
Not all birth mothers feel as though they can write a letter like this. It can be difficult to put words on paper that accurately reflect what is in your heart. Please don’t let your words and feelings go unwritten or unspoken. Stories and pictures the adoptive parents tell your child will pale when compared to the heartfelt words that you can share, describing your feelings and your decision to choose adoption.
This is a beautiful way to leave a legacy for your child, sharing the hope you have for them through adoption.