Birth Parents Blog

How to Speak to Adoptive Parents for the First Time

Posted by Lifetime Adoption on December 26, 2017

speaking-to-af.jpgIt's hard to know for sure if the adoptive couple you like are the right ones. Speaking with them can help you decide.

At the end of the day, their adoption profile can only tell you so much about them. What you can’t get from a profile is the feeling behind what they’ve written. By being able to ask them questions directly, you’re able to get the full picture of the adoptive couple as potential parents to your baby.

Keep reading to get Lifetime's tips on what to ask adoptive parents when you talk to them for the first time!

Hearing the adoptive couple's voices, their emotions, and how they interact with each other can give you a better idea of who they are. It'll also give you a better idea on what kind of open adoption relationship you want to have before and after the placement. 

Lifetime realizes that speaking to and meeting adoptive parents for the first time can be nerve-wracking. You want to make a good impression and not say the wrong thing. Don't worry: they’re nervous too. Like you, the adoptive couple wants to connect and worries that you won't like them.

Once you’ve decided on meeting adoptive parents by speaking to them on the phone, it’s helpful to have a list of questions with you. Here are some questions to help you make the most of your first conversation, while at the same time building a relationship:

  1. What kind of relationship would you like to have after the baby is born?
  2. Is your family supportive that you’re adopting?
  3. How and when will you tell my child they were adopted?
  4. When did you decide you wanted to start a family?
  5. Why did you decide to start your family through adoption?
  6. How long will you stay at home with the baby?
  7. Once you go back to work, what are your childcare plans?
  8. What will you call me, the birth mother, when you talk to him/her?

After you hang up the phone from meeting potential adoptive parents, take a minute or two to think about your convo. Do you feel like it went well? What's your first impression of the couple? What's your gut feeling about them? Let your Adoption Coordinator know if you'd like to take the next step, and match with the adoptive couple.

But what if the call didn't go so well? If you feel like the adoptive couple are asking too many uncomfortable questions (or if you feel disrespected) let them know. Or, you can always tell your Adoption Coordinator after the call, if you're not into confrontations. There's no requirement that you have to match with them, or talk to them again if you don't want to!

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Topics: family to adopt my baby, adoption for my baby, Adoption for my child