Adoptive Families Blog

The Bottom Line About Being Picked by a Birth Mother

Posted by Lifetime Adoption on December 6, 2018

picked-by-bmomMelissa perched on the edge of the sofa, with a cup of hot coffee in her hands. She grabbed her tablet and started to eagerly browse her adoption agency's website, something that she did every morning before work. As she did, Melissa began to feel defeated. Looking at all the smiling faces of other couples waiting to adopt, she wondered to herself, "How will we stand out from the other couples? What would make a birth mother pick us to be the parents of her child? How can we compete with so many couples who are more attractive, more educated, or wealthier?"

Does this scenario sound familiar? Many hopeful adoptive parents can relate to the fear that a birth mother won't pick them. Struggling with jealousy and frustration during the adoption wait is normal.  Lifetime hopes to clarify the open adoption process and provide you with some bottom line facts about being picked by a birth mother.

Why Them and Not Us?

In today's adoptions, birth mothers select adoptive families for all sorts of reasons. Lifetime has seen families chosen because they looked familiar, kind, or fun. Birth mothers have chosen their baby's family based on their pets, where they live, or their hobbies. We've even worked with birth mothers who felt a connection to an adoptive couple based on their favorite candy! As you can see, there isn't a predictable reason why a birth mother might like one family over another.

The reality is that a birth mother can only choose ONE adoptive family for her baby. As she comes to realize that there are so many wonderful people who would make amazing parents for her child, it makes her decision an even more difficult one.

How Long Will It Take for Us to Adopt?

The adoption journey is unique; if it were easy to adopt more people would pursue it. It’s difficult to predict precisely how long your adoption wait will be. At Lifetime, adoption depends on the birth mother’s choice.

So, it's crucial to follow your adoption professional's advice on optimizing your exposure to women thinking about adoption. Also, it's important to set your adoption preferences for a child as open as you are comfortable. Each time you're presented to another birth mother means another opportunity to be picked.

The truth is that there are reasons why some hopeful adoptive families wait longer than others. Some couples may have procrastinated with their home study paperwork or with their adoption profile. Or, they may even have declined an adoption opportunity that was presented to them and was within their preferences. However, the reality is that it's just a matter of time for couples who have been ready and been proactive from the start!

Each adoption journey is unique, but it can be hard not to compare your journey to others. Whether you’re searching on your own or with the help of a professional, hopefully the experience shared in this post will help you get through the difficult or frustrating days.

Are you searching for encouragement and inspiration during the wait? Make sure to check out Lifetime's articles about how to handle the adoption wait!

Blog.LifetimeAdoption.com/adoptivefamilies/topic/waiting-to-adopt

Topics: adoption match, birth parents seeking adoptive families, how to handle the adoption wait, adoption wait, Waiting to Adopt, birth mothers seeking families